- Becoming a Member of the Club
- Success breeds success
- While caddying, learned that web of friends and associates was most potent resource
- To achieve goals in life, hard to do alone
- Business is about working with people
- Reaching out to people is a way to make a difference in people’s lives and enrich our own
- Connect by sharing knowledge, resources, time, energy, friends, associates, empathy, compassion
- People do business with people they know and like
- Real networking is about finding ways to make other people more successful
- Don’t Keep Score
- There is no such thing as a self-made man. We are made up of thousands of others.
- key to success in one word: generosity
- must be willing to ask for help as you are giving it
- network functions because recognition of mutual need
- Must learn to act interdependently or won’t be seen as good leader or team player
- Companies develop strong, enduring relationships with customers, must do the same
- Contributing is like miracle-gro for netowrks
- What’s Your Mission
- The more specific about what you want to do, easier it is to develop a strategy
- Goal setting IS that important
- 50% of Americans unhappy at work, most accept what they “should” be doing rather than figuring out what they want to be doing
- Find your blue flame or convergence of mission and passion
- Look inside: intersection between dreams/goals and what brings your joy
- Look outside: ask people that know you best hat they think of your strengths and weaknesses
- Humans are like Japanese carps, they grow proportional to the size of their environment and our achievements grow according to the size of our dreams
- Goal setting more important than goal getting
- Goals must be imagined and takes time to gather things needed
- Relationship Action Plan
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- Development of the goals
- Connecting goals to people, places and things that help get job done
- Reaching out to people who will help you accomplish our goals
- Goals must be in writing and specific, believable and challenging and demanding
- Create personal board of advisors
- Build It Before You Need It
- You must reach out long before you need anything at all
- Too often, get caught up efficiently doing ineffective things
- You only gain someone’s trust little by little over time
- Some ways:
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- create company-approved project that will force you to learn new skills and introduce you to new people
- Take on leadership positions in hobbies and outside organizations that interest you
- join your local alumni club and spend time with people doing the jobs you’d like to be doing
- enroll in a class
- In business, best customers are customers you have now
- First step is not reaching out to strangers, start by connecting with people you know
- The Genius of Audacity
- Don’t be embarrassed when it comes to fulfilling your family’s needs
- People with low tolerance for risk whose behavior is guided by fear have low propensity for success
- Worst anyone can say is no
- Sticking to people we know is tempting behavior
- Most don’t find networking instinctive or natural
- Not success or failure, but deciding between risk and striving for greatness or risking nothing and being certain of mediocrity
- Deal with anxiety:
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- acknowledge that fear is perfectly normal
- getting over fear is critical for success
- commit to getting better
- Other things you can do
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- Find a role model and observe them
- Learn to speak. Toast masters
- Get involved in something you enjoy. become active and take a leadership role
- get therapy
- just do it. set a goal to meet someone once a week. not matter how.
- No benefit to holding back.
- every situation and person is an opportunity to succeed
- The Networking Jerk
- Are you genuinely concerned about the people around you?
- In a new abundance of choice for business and open information, if people don’t like you they won’t stay
- Don’t smooze, have something to offer
- Don’t gossip, untrustworthy
- Don’t come empty-handed
- Don’t treat those under you poorly
- Be transparent. Your intentions, information, admiration.
- Don’t be too efficient. It’s about real connection not numbers game
- Do You Homework
- Preparation is key to sounding like a genius
- All people naturally care about what it is they do
- All people craving to be appreciated
- Find a way to become part of those things that are most interest to them
- Transcend the trivialities of polite chitchat
- Doing homework helps find a point of common ground making it easier to hit it off
- If they ask, mention you did research on people you are interested in meeting, flattering
- Transform what could be a forgettable encounter into a blossoming friendship
- Take Names
- After you figure out mission, identify the people who can help you get there
- Keep of list of relevant people to contact not bad idea to have aspirational contacts as well
- You have a wide network, look through them all
- Warming the Cold Call
- It’s all about attitude
- No perfect moment, fears will never be completely quieted, so plunge right in
- Frequently, people won’t get back to you, put ego aside
- persist, but don’t show annoyance, make comfortable for everyone, meetings take time
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- Convey credibility by mentioning a reference or mutual friend
- State your value
- Talk a little say a lot
- offer a compromise
- Managing the Gatekeeper– Artfully
- gatekeepers wield enormous power, treat them respectfully
- Never Eat Alone
- You should always be reaching out to others, never, ever disappear
- It should be fun, not time-consuming
- value of network grows proportional to the square of size
- clone events, invite multiple people to things, introduce people you think will get along
- behind any successful person stands a long string of failures
- Share Your Passions
- Job searching networking events aren’t great because everyone is looking for a job
- better ways and places to spend your time
- shared interest is the basic building block of any relationship
- friendship created out of the quality of time spent between two people
- can learn much more about someone when both doing something you enjoy
- Blur personal and professional, invite people to things you enjoy
- make sure you’re not neglecting the key relationships in your life
- Follow Up or Fail
- a good follow-up alone elevates you above 95 percent of your peers
- when following up, reiterate the commitments made and ask for a second follow-up meeting
- don’t remind them what they can do for you, but what you can do for them
- always express gratitude
- be brief and to the point
- timeliness is key
- make it a habit
- Be a Conference Commando
- Conferences are about the people that attend
- Best salespeople spend 80% of their time building strong relationships with people
- slickest powerpoint presentation can’t compete with the development of real affection and trust
- think of event as well-coordinated campaign to further your mission
- Help organize if possible
- Speaking is great way to get your ideas out there and seen, not as hard as people think
- an insightful question can also get you recognized
- don’t be afraid to make your own mini-event and invite people you want
- deep bumps are an effort to quickly make contact, establish enough of a connection to secure the next meeting and move on
- Connecting with Connectors
- Personal contacts are the key to opening doors
- weak ties are more important because you can have more and they are outside your normal scope
- Professions that lend themselves to super connectors: restaurateurs, headhunters, lobbyists, fund raisers, public relations people, politicians, journalists
- Expanding Your Circle
- easiest way to expand circle is connect a circle with another
- bring together people from different backgrounds that may hit it off
- never forget person that brought you to dance, treat other people’s contacts with utmost respect
- exchanging contacts should take place around specific events, functions, or causes
- The Art of Small Talk
- few are born with gift of gab
- is every important because happens in almost all situations
- Stanford study showed verbal fluency was most common among accomplished graduates
- start a conversation, keep it going, create a bond, leave with the other person thinking “I dig that person”
- Differentiation is the name of the game
- stand out by being vulnerable
- many people confuse secrecy with importance
- everyone has something in common
- every conversation is risk of revealing the real you, but that is how you form real friendships
- put yourself on the line and give people a glimpse of your humanity
- key to small talk is not to small talk, don’t just focus on safe topics, uniqueness is power
- remember non-verbal cues: smile, don’t fold arms, node head and lean in
- develop conversational currency, have something to talk about
- Adjust Johari window based on who you are talking to
- to establish lasting connection, needs to end with an invitation to continue the relationship
- “You’re wonderful, tell me more”
- Health, Wealth, and Children
- Found that main motivations for people generally fall into making money, finding love, or changing the world
- must learn to connect and understand the other person and what they want
- always have an opportunity to learn from people
- Social Arbitrage
- learn to be indispensable to people and their success
- Think about how people can mutually help each other
- Don’t wait just do it
- Become a knowledge broker, can start small with reading newest books and sharing ideas
- Pinging–All the Time
- 80 percent of building and maintaining relationships is just staying in touch
- nurture developing a relationship with a phone call or email at least once a month
- if you want to transform contact into a friend, minimum two face-to-face meetings out of office
- maintaining a secondary relationship requires two to three pings a year
- birthdays are perfect times
- Find Anchor Tenants and Feed Them
- dinner parties can be a powerful tool and create wonderful memories
- anchor tenants can help bring a group together
- create a theme, use invitations, don’t be a kitchen slave, create atmosphere, no formal, don’t seat couples together
- Be Interesting
- People often wonder if they want to spend time with you
- Be a person of content have a unique point of view
- relentlessly learn and present
- creativity is about making connections that everyone else has almost thought of
- create a story and the idea it embodies and people will care
- easiest route for content creator is expertise, no better way to learn than by teaching
- get out in front and analyze trends in the cutting edge and connect with people there
- Asking seemingly stupid questions
- Know your talents, cultivate your strengths
- Stay healthy, energy is important
- Expose yourself to unusual experiences
- Don’t get discouraged
- Know the new technology
- Develop a niche
- Follow the money
- Build Your Brand
- we are all, in some sense, a brand
- be distinct or extinct
- focus relentlessly on where you add value
- can’t do if focused on minimizing risk
- best brands have a distinct message
- many judgments are based on appearances
- Broadcast Your Brand
- if you hide your accomplishments, they’ll remain hidden, no one will promote you
- buzz can be huge advantage is success, content is important
- develop relationships with journalists, treat sincerely and as friends, don’t try to push your agenda
- work new angles, all stories are really old stories
- going local first may be easier
- keep sound bite brief
- don’t be annoying, know to back off
- focus on the message, not your ego
- media wants recognizable faces on their pages so name-drop if appropriate
- your friends, colleagues, clients, and customers are most powerful vehicle for getting your word out
- The Write Stuff
- you can get close to almost anyone by doing a piece on them
- find interesting things
- establishes a terrific environment for meeting anyone anywhere
- you know person will be interested in subject
- you’re offering value through publicity
- offer to do research and writing for some of their time and energy
- can reach into their networks for additional research and interviews
- by the end, you’ll have expanded your network exponentially and managed to learn a great deal
- Getting Close to Power
- sometimes worth it to try to develop relationships with powerful people
- doesn’t have to be crass or manipulative
- famous people often have qualities or skills that we admire
- pursue in a sincere manner and with good intentions
- trust is essential focus on their interests, don’t dwell on their work
- help them achieve their goals
- many places to meet: career organizations, politics, conferences, nonprofit, sport leagues
- don’t feel like an imposter, you are a star in your own right and have a lot to give the world
- Build It and They Will Come
- people are hungry to congregate with other people with similar interests
- know your unique selling proposition
- if you can’t join an organization, make your own
- start with your group of friends
- benjamin franklin believed it was important for every man to be part of a social group or three
- can dramatically leverage other’s success to do things otherwise impossible
- Never Give In to Hubris
- don’t let vanity seep into your actions
- make sure commitments are absolutely clear with everyone
- people want to put arrogant people in their place
- be humble and help others along the way
- don’t forget friends you’ve made at all levels
- they are your most valuable resource
- Find Mentors, Find Mentees, Repeat
- most successful people know they can’t be their best unless they have a good coach in the corner
- mentoring is one of most effective ways to get the best out of each individual
- lifelong process of giving and receiving
- don’t overstretch and pretend to know more than you do
- people tacitly notice your respect and are flattered by the attention
- Two crucial components: 1) non stop effort to use and apply knowledge 2) emotional investment
- If you don’t have a way to help, at least attempt to endear themselves by telling why you’re special, what we have in common, express gratitude, excitement, and passion
- mentors are everywhere, can learn especially from mentees
- Balance is BS
- relationship-driven career is a way of living
- what makes you successful in personal and professional careers is the way you relate to people
- Get a life filled with people you love
- connecting with others increases opportunities to meet with people that can lead to a new and exciting job
- people don’t have enough people in their lives
- America’s focus on individualism works against reaching out to others
- If your life is filled with people you care about and who care about you, why concern yourself with balancing that?
- Welcome to the Connected Age
- Never been a better time to reach out
- community and alliances will rule the twenty-first century
- success is about whom you know and how you work with them
- souls are hungry for meaning not money, fame, power
- if you commit to finding your passion, will be rewarded with answers
- Smart people lives get out of whack because they fail to ask important questions such as: what is your passion? what gives you pleasure, how can you make a difference?
- We find meaning in helping others find their own way
- giving begets more giving
- Life comes down to people, you can’t do it alone, all in this together
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