Never Eat Alone

  1. Becoming a Member of the Club
    • Success breeds success
    • While caddying, learned that web of friends and associates was most potent resource
    • To achieve goals in life, hard to do alone
    • Business is about working with people
    • Reaching out to people is a way to make a difference in people’s lives and enrich our own
    • Connect by sharing knowledge, resources, time, energy, friends, associates, empathy, compassion
    • People do business with people they know and like
    • Real networking is about finding ways to make other people more successful
  2. Don’t Keep Score
    • There is no such thing as a self-made man. We are made up of thousands of others.
    • key to success in one word: generosity
    • must be willing to ask for help as you are giving it
    • network functions because recognition of mutual need
    • Must learn to act interdependently or won’t be seen as good leader or team player
    • Companies develop strong, enduring relationships with customers, must do the same
    • Contributing is like miracle-gro for netowrks
  3. What’s Your Mission
    • The more specific about what you want to do, easier it is to develop a strategy
    • Goal setting IS that important
    • 50% of Americans unhappy at work, most accept what they “should” be doing rather than figuring out what they want to be doing
    • Find your blue flame or convergence of mission and passion
    • Look inside: intersection between dreams/goals and what brings your joy
    • Look outside: ask people that know you best hat they think of your strengths and weaknesses
    • Humans are like Japanese carps, they grow proportional to the size of their environment and our achievements grow according to the size of our dreams
    • Goal setting more important than goal getting
    • Goals must be imagined and takes time to gather things needed
    • Relationship Action Plan
      • Development of the goals
      • Connecting goals to people, places and things that help get job done
      • Reaching out to people who will help you accomplish our goals
    • Goals must be in writing and specific, believable and challenging and demanding
    • Create personal board of advisors
  4. Build It Before You Need It
    • You must reach out long before you need anything at all
    • Too often, get caught up efficiently doing ineffective things
    • You only gain someone’s trust little by little over time
    • Some ways:
      • create company-approved project that will force you to learn new skills and introduce you to new people
      • Take on leadership positions in hobbies and outside organizations that interest you
      • join your local alumni club and spend time with people doing the jobs you’d like to be doing
      • enroll in a class
    • In business, best customers are customers you have now
    • First step is not reaching out to strangers, start by connecting with people you know
  5. The Genius of Audacity
    • Don’t be embarrassed when it comes to fulfilling your family’s needs
    • People with low tolerance for risk whose behavior is guided by fear have low propensity for success
    • Worst anyone can say is no
    • Sticking to people we know is tempting behavior
    • Most don’t find networking instinctive or natural
    • Not success or failure, but deciding between risk and striving for greatness or risking nothing and being certain of mediocrity
    • Deal with anxiety:
      • acknowledge that fear is perfectly normal
      • getting over fear is critical for success
      • commit to getting better
    • Other things you can do
      • Find a role model and observe them
      • Learn to speak. Toast masters
      • Get involved in something you enjoy. become active and take a leadership role
      • get therapy
      • just do it. set a goal to meet someone once a week. not matter how.
    • No benefit to holding back.
    • every situation and person is an opportunity to succeed
  6. The Networking Jerk
    • Are you genuinely concerned about the people around you?
    • In a new abundance of choice for business and open information, if people don’t like you they won’t stay
    • Don’t smooze, have something to offer
    • Don’t gossip, untrustworthy
    • Don’t come empty-handed
    • Don’t treat those under you poorly
    • Be transparent. Your intentions, information, admiration.
    • Don’t be too efficient. It’s about real connection not numbers game
  7. Do You Homework
    • Preparation is key to sounding like a genius
    • All people naturally care about what it is they do
    • All people craving to be appreciated
    • Find a way to become part of those things that are most interest to them
    • Transcend the trivialities of polite chitchat
    • Doing homework helps find a point of common ground making it easier to hit it off
    • If they ask, mention you did research on people you are interested in meeting, flattering
    • Transform what could be a forgettable encounter into a blossoming friendship
  8. Take Names
    • After you figure out mission, identify the people who can help you get there
    • Keep of list of relevant people to contact not bad idea to have aspirational contacts as well
    • You have a wide network, look through them all
  9. Warming the Cold Call
    • It’s all about attitude
    • No perfect moment, fears will never be completely quieted, so plunge right in
    • Frequently, people won’t get back to you, put ego aside
    • persist, but don’t show annoyance, make comfortable for everyone, meetings take time
      • Convey credibility by mentioning a reference or mutual friend
      • State your value
      • Talk a little say a lot
      • offer a compromise
  10. Managing the Gatekeeper– Artfully
    • gatekeepers wield enormous power, treat them respectfully
  11. Never Eat Alone
    • You should always be reaching out to others, never, ever disappear
    • It should be fun, not time-consuming
    • value of network grows proportional to the square of size
    • clone events, invite multiple people to things, introduce people you think will get along
    • behind any successful person stands a long string of failures
  12. Share Your Passions
    • Job searching networking events aren’t great because everyone is looking for a job
    • better ways and places to spend your time
    • shared interest is the basic building block of any relationship
    • friendship created out of the quality of time spent between two people
    • can learn much more about someone when both doing something you enjoy
    • Blur personal and professional, invite people to things you enjoy
    • make sure you’re not neglecting the key relationships in your life
  13. Follow Up or Fail
    • a good follow-up alone elevates you above 95 percent of your peers
    • when following up, reiterate the commitments made and ask for a second follow-up meeting
    • don’t remind them what they can do for you, but what you can do for them
    • always express gratitude
    • be brief and to the point
    • timeliness is key
    • make it a habit
  14. Be a Conference Commando
    • Conferences are about the people that attend
    • Best salespeople spend 80% of their time building strong relationships with people
    • slickest powerpoint presentation can’t compete with the development of real affection and trust
    • think of event as well-coordinated campaign to further your mission
    • Help organize if possible
    • Speaking is great way to get your ideas out there and seen, not as hard as people think
    • an insightful question can also get you recognized
    • don’t be afraid to make your own mini-event and invite people you want
    • deep bumps are an effort to quickly make contact, establish enough of a connection to secure the next meeting and move on
  15. Connecting with Connectors
    • Personal contacts are the key to opening doors
    • weak ties are more important because you can have more and they are outside your normal scope
    • Professions that lend themselves to super connectors: restaurateurs, headhunters, lobbyists, fund raisers, public relations people, politicians, journalists
  16. Expanding Your Circle
    • easiest way to expand circle is connect a circle with another
    • bring together people from different backgrounds that may hit it off
    • never forget person that brought you to dance, treat other people’s contacts with utmost respect
    • exchanging contacts should take place around specific events, functions, or causes
  17. The Art of Small Talk
    • few are born with gift of gab
    • is every important because happens in almost all situations
    • Stanford study showed verbal fluency was most common among accomplished graduates
    • start a conversation, keep it going, create a bond, leave with the other person thinking “I dig that person”
    • Differentiation is the name of the game
    • stand out by being vulnerable
    • many people confuse secrecy with importance
    • everyone has something in common
    • every conversation is risk of revealing the real you, but that is how you form real friendships
    • put yourself on the line and give people a glimpse of your humanity
    • key to small talk is not to small talk, don’t just focus on safe topics, uniqueness is power
    • remember non-verbal cues: smile, don’t fold arms, node head and lean in
    • develop conversational currency, have something to talk about
    • Adjust Johari window based on who you are talking to
    • to establish lasting connection, needs to end with an invitation to continue the relationship
    • “You’re wonderful, tell me more”
  18. Health, Wealth, and Children
    • Found that main motivations for people generally fall into making money, finding love, or changing the world
    • must learn to connect and understand the other person and what they want
    • always have an opportunity to learn from people
  19. Social Arbitrage
    • learn to be indispensable to people and their success
    • Think about how people can mutually help each other
    • Don’t wait just do it
    • Become a knowledge broker, can start small with reading newest books and sharing ideas
  20. Pinging–All the Time
    • 80 percent of building and maintaining relationships is just staying in touch
    • nurture developing a relationship with a phone call or email at least once a month
    • if you want to transform contact into a friend, minimum two face-to-face meetings out of office
    • maintaining a secondary relationship requires two to three pings a year
    • birthdays are perfect times
  21. Find Anchor Tenants and Feed Them
    • dinner parties can be a powerful tool and create wonderful memories
    • anchor tenants can help bring a group together
    • create a theme, use invitations, don’t be a kitchen slave, create atmosphere, no formal, don’t seat couples together
  22. Be Interesting
    • People often wonder if they want to spend time with you
    • Be a person of content have a unique point of view
    • relentlessly learn and present
    • creativity is about making connections that everyone else has almost thought of
    • create a story and the idea it embodies and people will care
    • easiest route for content creator is expertise, no better way to learn than by teaching
    • get out in front and analyze trends in the cutting edge and connect with people there
    • Asking seemingly stupid questions
    • Know your talents, cultivate your strengths
    • Stay healthy, energy is important
    • Expose yourself to unusual experiences
    • Don’t get discouraged
    • Know the new technology
    • Develop a niche
    • Follow the money
  23. Build Your Brand
    • we are all, in some sense, a brand
    • be distinct or extinct
    • focus relentlessly on where you add value
    • can’t do if focused on minimizing risk
    • best brands have a distinct message
    • many judgments are based on appearances
  24. Broadcast Your Brand
    • if you hide your accomplishments, they’ll remain hidden, no one will promote you
    • buzz can be huge advantage is success, content is important
    • develop relationships with journalists, treat sincerely and as friends, don’t try to push your agenda
    • work new angles, all stories are really old stories
    • going local first may be easier
    • keep sound bite brief
    • don’t be annoying, know to back off
    • focus on the message, not your ego
    • media wants recognizable faces on their pages so name-drop if appropriate
    • your friends, colleagues, clients, and customers are most powerful vehicle for getting your word out
  25. The Write Stuff
    • you can get close to almost anyone by doing a piece on them
    • find interesting things
    • establishes a terrific environment for meeting anyone anywhere
    • you know person will be interested in subject
    • you’re offering value through publicity
    • offer to do research and writing for some of their time and energy
    • can reach into their networks for additional research and interviews
    • by the end, you’ll have expanded your network exponentially and managed to learn a great deal
  26. Getting Close to Power
    • sometimes worth it to try to develop relationships with powerful people
    • doesn’t have to be crass or manipulative
    • famous people often have qualities or skills that we admire
    • pursue in a sincere manner and with good intentions
    • trust is essential focus on their interests, don’t dwell on their work
    • help them achieve their goals
    • many places to meet: career organizations, politics, conferences, nonprofit, sport leagues
    • don’t feel like an imposter, you are a star in your own right and have a lot to give the world
  27. Build It and They Will Come
    • people are hungry to congregate with other people with similar interests
    • know your unique selling proposition
    • if you can’t join an organization, make your own
    • start with your group of friends
    • benjamin franklin believed it was important for every man to be part of a social group or three
    • can dramatically leverage other’s success to do things otherwise impossible
  28. Never Give In to Hubris
    • don’t let vanity seep into your actions
    • make sure commitments are absolutely clear with everyone
    • people want to put arrogant people in their place
    • be humble and help others along the way
    • don’t forget friends you’ve made at all levels
    • they are your most valuable resource
  29. Find Mentors, Find Mentees, Repeat
    • most successful people know they can’t be their best unless they have a good coach in the corner
    • mentoring is one of most effective ways to get the best out of each individual
    • lifelong process of giving and receiving
    • don’t overstretch and pretend to know more than you do
    • people tacitly notice your respect and are flattered by the attention
    • Two crucial components: 1) non stop effort to use and apply knowledge 2) emotional investment
    • If you don’t have a way to help, at least attempt to endear themselves by telling why you’re special, what we have in common, express gratitude, excitement, and passion
    • mentors are everywhere, can learn especially from mentees
  30. Balance is BS
    • relationship-driven career is a way of living
    • what makes you successful in personal and professional careers is the way you relate to people
    • Get a life filled with people you love
    • connecting with others increases opportunities to meet with people that can lead to a new and exciting job
    • people don’t have enough people in their lives
    • America’s focus on individualism works against reaching out to others
    • If your life is filled with people you care about and who care about you, why concern yourself with balancing that?
  31. Welcome to the Connected Age
    • Never been a better time to reach out
    • community and alliances will rule the twenty-first century
    • success is about whom you know and how you work with them
    • souls are hungry for meaning not money, fame, power
    • if you commit to finding your passion, will be rewarded with answers
    • Smart people lives get out of whack because they fail to ask important questions such as: what is your passion? what gives you pleasure, how can you make a difference?
    • We find meaning in helping others find their own way
    • giving begets more giving
    • Life comes down to people, you can’t do it alone, all in this together

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