How To Talk to Anyone

  1. make your smile special
    • don’t flash an immediate smile
    • flooding smile: pause, soak in their persona and let a warm responsive smile flood your face
  2. how to appear more intelligent
    • maintain strong eye contact
    • sticky eyes: pretend your eyes are attached with warm taffy
    • make less sticky between men
  3. How to use your eyes to make someone fall in love with you
    • epoxy eyes: watch your target person even when someone else is talking
    • sends signals of interest and confidence
    • be careful to not overdo or you could come across as arrogant and brazen
    • can lighten it by letting your glance bounce back and forth
  4. How to look like a big winner wherever you go
    • improve your poster
    • hang by your teeth: every time you walk through a door imagine you’re hanging by your teeth on an iron-jaw
  5. How to win their heart by responding to their “Inner Infant”
    • you have 10 seconds to make a first impression
    • make them feel like you like them quickly
    • big baby pivot: give a warm smile, total body turn, and undivided attention like you would to a tiny baby that showed up
  6. How to make someone feel like an old friend at once
    • trick your body into doing the right thing
    • hello old friend: imagine the person you’re meeting is an old long-lost friend
  7. How to come across as 100 percent credible to everyone
    • certain body motions can give the appearance if lying
    • limit the fidget: do not fidget, twitch, wiggle, squirm or scratch. keep your hands away from your face
  8. How to read people like you have ESP
    • horse sense: see how people are reacting
    • watch their body language
  9. How to make sure you don’t miss a single beat
    • visualization: rehearse being the super somebody you want to be ahead of time
    • see yourself, hear yourself, visualize yourself then it will happen automatically
  10. How to start great small talk
    • mood match: detect their state of mind and match mood and tone, if only for a second
  11. How to sound like you’ve got a super personality
    • it’s about how you say it
    • prosaic with passion: say anything with an empathetic mood, positive demeanor, passionate delivery
    • do not complain, be rude, or unpleasant
  12. How to make people want to start a conversation with you
    • whatzit: wear or carry something unusual that gives people an excuse to approach or talk
    • Also, use to approach others who have a whatzit
  13. How to meet the people you want to meet
    • whoozat: ask the party-giver who the person is and see if they will make an introduction
    • otherwise, ask them some facts you can use as an ice breaker
  14. How to break into a tight crowd
    • eavesdrop in: wait for any flimsy excuse with “Excuse me, I couldn’t help but overhear…”
  15. How to make “Where are you from?” sound exciting
    • never the naked city: learn some engaging facts about your hometown the conversational partner can comment on
    • can customize based on what you know about the person
  16. How to come out a winner every time they ask, “And What do you do?”
    • never the naked job: throw out some interesting facts
  17. How to Introduce People Like the Host(ess) with the Most(est)
    • never the naked introduction: bait the conversation with a hook
  18. How to resuscitate ad dying conversation
    • word detective: carefully observe what kind of details the person brings up
    • listen for clues or unusual references
  19. How to enthrall ’em with your choice of topic–Them!
    • swiveling spotlight: keep spotlight focused on the other person
  20. How to never need to wonder, “What do I say next?”
    • parroting: simply repeat least few words or important word
    • puts the ball right back in his or her court
    • can cause them to open up even more
  21. How to Get ‘Em Happily Chatting (So You Can Slip Away if You Want To!)
    • encore: have the person repeat a story the crowd may enjoy
    • the story should make the person look good
  22. How to come across as a positive person
    • if you’re a superstar, talking about your foibles can make you more endearing
    • if you’re not, play it safe when meeting new people
    • accentuate the positive:  focus on positive things and eliminate the negative
  23. How to always have something interesting to say
    • latest news: turn on the radio or scan newspaper before you leave
    • anything that happened today is good material
  24. How to find out what they do (Without Even Asking!)
    • What do you do – NOT: big cats never ask outright “What do you do?”
    • “How do you spend most of your time?”
  25. How to know what to say when they ask, “What do you do?”
    • nutshell resume: tell different true stories based on the listener’s interest in you
  26. How to sound even smarter than you are
    • personal thesaurus: look up some common words you use every day and find alternatives
    • only about fifty words make the difference between a rich, creative vocabulary and average
    • substitute a word a day for two months
  27. How to not sound anxious (let them discover your similarity)
    • kill the quick me too: when you discover a commonality, wait before you reveal it
    • however don’t wait too long, otherwise may seem like you’re being tricky
  28. How to be a “You-Firstie” to gain their respect and affection
    • comm-you-nication: start every appropriate sentence with “you”
    • grabs their attention
  29. How to make them feel you “Don’t smile at just anybody”
    • exclusive smile: grace each person with a distinct smile
    • if someone is more important to you, reserve a big flooding smile just for them
  30. How to avoid sounding like a jerk
    • avoid cliches: shows you are unoriginal
  31. How to use motivational speakers’  techniques to enhance your conversation
    • get a book or two on public speaking
    • jawsmith’s jive: cull quotations, pearls of wisdom, and humor
    • make them rhyme, clever, funny
    • above all make them relevant
  32. How to banter like the big shots do (big winners tell it like it is)
    • call a spade a spade: don’t hide behind euphemisms
  33. How to avoid the world’s worst conversational habit
    • trash the teasing: never, ever joke at anyone else’s expense
  34. How to give them the bad news (and have them like you all the more)
    • receiver’s ball: before giving news, keep the receiver in mind
    • consider their attitude and deliver with the same sentiment they are likely to receive it with
  35. How to respond when you don’t want to answer (and wish they’d shut the heck up)
    • the broken record: simply repeat your original response with the same tone
  36. How to talk to a celebrity
    • don’t slobber
    • don’t compliment the work, simply say how much pleasure it’s given you
    • if you single out an accomplishment, pick a recent one
    • if someone is with them involve them in the conversation
  37. How to make them want to thank you
    • never the naked thank you: always follow it with a reason “Thank you for …”
  38. How to be a modern-day renaissance man or woman
    • scramble therapy: try something new once a month
    • you get 80% of the lingo just from one exposure
  39. How to sound like you know all about their job or hobby
    • learn a little jobbledygook: ask a friend about some of the lingo and good questions to ask
    • indulge in elementary on-target conversation and quickly switch the subject
    • don’t fake that you are more knowledgeable than you really are
  40. How to bare their hot button (Elementary Doc-Talk)
    • baring their hot button: find out what hot issues are in their fields
    • every industry has some burning concerns
    • ask an informant if you have one
  41. How to secretly learn about their lives
    • read their rags: read from different magazines or journals
    • sound like an insider
  42. How to talk when you’re in other countries
    • clear customs: get a book on dos and taboos
  43. How to talk them into getting the “Insider’s Price” (on practically anything you buy)
    • bluffing for bargains: find several vendors and learn some industry-ese
    • less likely to try to rip you off if they think you know what you’re talking about
  44. How to make them feel you’re of the same “Class”
    • copyclass: watch people and imitate their style of movement
    • small, big, fast, slow, jerky, fluid, old, young, classy, trashy?
    • imagine they are your dance instructor
  45. How to make them feel that you’re like “Family”
    • friends use the same words
    • echoing: listen to their arbitrary choice of nouns, verbs, prepositions, adjectives and use them
  46. How to really make it clear to them
    • potent imaging: evoke your listener’s interest and lifestyle
    • weave those images into your words
  47. How to make them feel you empathize (without just saying “Yep, Uh Huh, Yeah”)
    • employ empathizers: vocalize complete sentences to show your understanding
    • “I see what you mean”
    • “That’s a lovely thing to say”
  48. How to make them think you see/hear/feel it just the way they do
    • anatomically correct empathizers: match the sense the person is tuned to
    • e.g. visual, auditory, kinesthetic
    • “I hear you”, “I see what you mean”
  49. How to make ’em think we (instead of you vs me)
    • conversations evolve as people get closer
    • cliches -> facts -> feelings -> we statements
    • premature we: using “we” fosters togetherness and cuts to a more intimate level
  50. How to create a friendly “Private Joke” with them
    • instant history: search for some special moment you shared and make it a refrain
  51. How to compliment someone (without sounding like you’re brownnosing)
    • grapevine glory: compliment someone through a friend
  52. How to be a “carrier pigeon” of good feelings
    • carrier pigeon kudos: when you hear good news about them let the person know
  53. How to make ’em feel your admiration “just slipped out”
    • implied magnificence: throw a few comments into your conversation the presuppose something positive about the person
  54. How to win their hearts by being an “Undercover complimenter”
    • accidental adulation: sneak praise into the parenthetical part of your sentence
  55. How to make ’em never forget you with a “killer compliment”
    • killer compliment: search for one attractive, specific, unique quality
    • make it in private, should be credible, only one per half-year
  56. How to make ’em smile with “Itty-Bitty Boosters”
    • little strokes: small words of appreciation
    • “nice job!”, “Well done!”, “Cool!”
  57. How to praise with perfect timing
    • knee-jerk wow: must praise people the moment they finish the feat
  58. How to make ’em want to compliment you
    • boomeranging: when you get a compliment return one back
    • “I appreciate your positive feedback”
    • “I appreciate your concern”
  59. How to make a loved one feel you are the partner for life
    • tombstone game: ask what they would want to be engraved on their tombstone / remembered for
    • remember that’s the reason they want to be appreciated
  60. How to sound more exciting on the phone
    • you lose 30% of your energy on the phone
    • talking gestures: think of yourself as a radio star
    • turn your smile into sounds, your nods into noise, and your gestures into something the listener hears
  61. How to sound close (even if you’re hundreds of miles away)
    • name shower: people perk up when they hear their name
    • saying repeatedly when face-to-face sounds pandering
  62. How to make ’em happy they called you
    • oh wow it’s you: don’t answer the phone with a happy attitude, be warm after finding out who they are
  63. graciously screening callers
    • sneaky screen: say you’ll put then through and then say the person is not available
  64. How to get what you want on the phone from big shots
    • salute the spouse: anyone who is close enough to answer the phone the person is close enough to influence the person
    • be nice and make friends
  65. How to get what you want–by Timing!
    • time color: always ask the person about their timing
    • avoid getting a no just because it’s a bad time
  66. How to impress everyone with your outgoing voicemail message
    • changing voicemail message: be perceived as conscientious and reliable
  67. How to get them to call you back
    • ten-second audition: pitch personality into your message and leave a cliff hanger
  68. How to make the gatekeeper think you’re buddy-buddy with the VIP
    • ho-hum caper: use “he” or “she” pronoun
    • “Is he in?”
    • signals you are closer
  69. How to make them say you have supersensitivity
    • I hear your other line: if you hear something in the background ask if they need to attend to it
  70. How to “listen between the lines” on the phone
    • instant replay: record your business conversations
    • may pick up subtleties you missed the first time
  71. How to avoid the most common party blooper
    • munching or mingling: never hold food or drink at a party
    • don’t put anything between you and the other person
    • eat before you go
  72. How to make an unforgettable entrance
    • rubberneck the room: pause at the doorway, slowly survey the room
  73. How to meet the people you want to meet
    • be the chooser, not the choosee: don’t wait for people to approach
    • make it happen
    • capture whatever or whomever you want in your life
  74. How to subliminally lure people to you at a gathering
    • come hither hands: arrange your body in an open position especially your arms and hands
    • people gravitate toward open palms and wrists
  75. How to make ’em feel like a movie star
    • everyone wants to feel like the star of a movie
    • tracking: track the tiniest details and refer to them in your conversation
  76. How to amaze them with what you remember about them
    • business card dossier: after you met someone write something about them
    • in the next communication toss off the reference
  77. How to make the sale with your eyeballs
    • eyeball selling: pick up on the person’s signals and adjust your pitch accordingly
  78. How to win their affection by overlooking their bloopers
    • see no bloopers, hear no bloopers: don’t notice their spills, slips, fumbles and faux pas
    • never gape at another’s gaffe
  79. How to win their heart when their tongue is faltering
    • lend a helping tongue: if someone’s story is interrupted, revive it afterward
  80. How to let ’em know “What’s in it” for them
    • bare the buried What’s in it for me: divulge the respective benefits for you and him
    • if a hidden agenda comes up later, you get labeled a sly fox
  81. How to make them want to do favors for you
    • savor the favor: when someone agrees to do you a favor, let them relish the joy of his or her beneficence
    • wait at least 24 hours before trying to cash in
  82. How to ask for favors (and get them)
    • tit for (wait) tat: when you do someone a favor, wait a suitable amount of time before asking for another favor
    • wait a few weeks
  83. How to know what Not to say at parties
    • parties are for pratter: parties are for pleasantries and good fellowship
    • leave tough talk for tougher settings
  84. How to know what Not to say at dinner
    • dinners are for dining: bring up no unpleasant matters
    • ok to brainstorm and discuss the positive side of business, dreams, desires, designs
  85. How to know what Not to say in a chance meeting
    • chance encounters are for chitchat: do not try to sell, negotiate or bring up any sensitive communications
    • keep melody of chance meeting sweet and light
  86. How to prepare them to listen to you
    • empty their tanks: let people have their entire say first
    • once they’ve emptied what’s on their mind they will be more receptive to what you have to say
  87. How to turn their anger around (in three sentences or less)
    • echo the emo: empathize like mad with their emotions
    • often the only way to calm their emotional storm
  88. How to make ’em like you (even when you’ve messed up)
    • my goof, your gain: when you make a mistake, make sure the victim benefits
  89. How to trap a rat with class
    • leave an escape hatch: let the transgressor out and resolve to never gaze upon it again
    • unless it’s your responsibility to catch or correct the culprit or unless you are saving other innocent victims
  90. How to get whatever you want from service personnel
    • buttercups for their bosses: say you will give a compliment/positive letter to their boss
  91. How to be a leader in a crowd, not a follower
    • lead the listeners: be the first to applause or publicly commend the man or woman you agree with
  92. How to make all the right moves
    • great scorecard in the sky
    • the player with the lower score pays deference to the player with the higher score
    • will be thrown out if you don’t pay attention

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